One of the managing directors in all of his infinite wisdom and boundless generosity has decided to send some funds to the victims of Hurricane Katrina. Who cares if almost a year has passed since the deadly winds? The important thing is that he’s being thoughtful towards his fellow human beings.
So, he has filled out a […]
I get this voicemail at 8:30am (exactly when I’m fully enjoying my REM sleep stage) from the managing director:
“Beatrix, yeah…I need you to call the temp because…oh geez…it’s a big mess. Remember that box that I need to ship to my mom? Well, the temp sealed the box and forgot to put my letter inside. […]
Some dude (let’s call him Angry Rob) who evidently has nothing better to do but police the Internet has taken issue with my opinion that the Beatles blow. He seems rather adamant that I a) don’t write my view of things and b) change my opinion to his. Watch out fellow bloggers, Internet censorship has arrived.
The Beatles […]
11 - You selectively and at will choose to enforce any of the commandments. When you break one, you claim to do so in God’s name. When someone someone else breaks them, all hell breaks loose. Literally.
10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the […]
The latest humilliation suffered by at work ca be summed up in one word: bribery.
Dolt Idiot Conniving Klutz: Beatrix you are such a good employee and you deserve so much that I’ve decided to give you a $3,000 bonus.
Beatrix Kiddo: But? (hate to sound cynical but I know my people)
DICK: Yes, that will be the […]
Hell Representative: Hello. What’s your name?
Beatrix Kiddo: Angela
HR: How do you spell that?
BK: A N G E L A
HR: (Slowly whispering each letter) Oh, Eingela (her exact pronunciation)
BK: Er, no. It’s Angela
HR: Whatever, what are you calling about?
BK: We ordered some RAM recently and we just received the order. However, it’s wrong and needs to be corrected.
HR: Really, how […]
I’m watching my boss flutter around the office and suddenly, it hits me.
I work for the real Niles Crane!
For those of you who don’t know who this is, Niles is the brother of Frasier. Niles is an anal-retentive psychiatrist nerd, who’s very class conscious, treating the people he considers “beneath him” (i.e. everyone but him) with […]
Let’s face it. The Beatles are the most ludicrously overrated band of all times. What did they do but prance around in tight pants and retarded haircuts?! Oh yes, they wrote overly simplistic infantile school rhymes which then they yelped out like ill cats. Consider:
“We all live in our yellow submarine, yellow submarine, yellow submarine”
“Ob-la-di, […]
Backburner - If I would’ve known we had a a burner in the back of the office, I would have dumped every single one of my fuck-ups there a long time ago. No evidence, no crime.
Clawback - If you’re not spelunking in a dark cave or repelling down a treacherous cliff, you are not […]
Now, usually I’m all for leaving a “stink bomb” on a corporation’s doorstep. On general principle. If I don’t know what they have done wrong, they sure as hell, do. But this trend of frivolous lawsuits against businesses has to stop.
Enter 79 year old Stella Liebeck who, in 1992, successfully sued McDonald’s for serving hot coffee, which […]