Beatrix Kiddo: Incubus, I’m going downstairs for lunch. Do you want anything?
Incubus: What do they have?
BK: Same as always (This guy has to smoke pot, how else do you explain his crappy memory? He ate there yesterday!). Here’s the menu (for the umpteenth time)…
I: Ugh, I just don’t know (Why do we bother with this […]
Incubus is going on vacation across the country. Naturally he must take all his toys with him for the whole 4 days or he’ll risk losing all his hair. Well, actually, that’s happening already. Pretty soon I’ll be making him an appointment to get hair plugs.
Incubus: Beatrix, I need you to ship some things to New […]
Despite the dark cloud of bad luck lingering over our building and our dismal portfolio performance, entrepreneurs still believe we have money to throw around in quirky companies.
Little do they know of the financial gymnastics I have to perform in the back office in order for everyone to get paid. But that is for Nostradamus to […]
Yesterday I watched the best movie of all time for like the 91st time (yes, I’m keeping count). Obviously, I am talking about Alien. This got me thinking: why is it that the preferred method of investigation in movies is to touch stuff? And more specifically, gross stuff.
As the aliens cavort around the spaceship looking for shit […]
This past weekend I decided to trim the dog’s nails. I don’t do this very often because I have to do it by myself and the dog hates it. He would rather stick his penis in a blender than have his nails trimmed.
The dog is a pit bull, all of 50 pounds of muscle and […]
that my Non-Smarty-Pants boss has driven to the wrong airport to catch a flight even though:
There is a huge entry in the calendar indicating airline, flight #, departure/arrival time and AIRPORT
I check him in the day before and give him his boarding pass which incidentally shows the departure airport in big block letters
I send him an e-mail […]
E-mail from Incubus:
Beatrix, we want to play a practical joke on the other managing director so you’re going to have to figure out how to make the attached document look like it is coming from Fidelity Investments. Maybe you can send it from an e-mail address that looks like this FidelityInvestments@hotmail.com.
Now, I’m not the authority […]
Not much to do at the office today except to follow the Paris Hilton saga. She might be a stupid spoiled whore but biy her shennanigans with the law are ’off the hook’ entertaining.
Let’s reminisce. Late last year Paris was driving swerving around L.A. drunk. In January of 2007 she pled “no contest” (legalese for “I did it but refuse […]
Incubus: Beatrix, I invited (tried to lure would be a more accurate representation) this guy to our office but he’s not sure if he can fit us in. He thinks our office is too far away from his route
Beatrix Kiddo: Mkay
I: So I need you to create a map to convince him otherwise
BK: Where will he […]
The ungodly length of time I’ve been toiling away at this job is good for something.
You see, when you’ve been putting up with shit for like, oh I don’t know, a fucking eternity, you arrive at what I like to call the ’Bite Me’ stage. This stage is pretty fun because if you are vital to the operations […]