added to the job description - valet parking attendant
Stupid LP: Hello, I’m here to meet with Time Thief and company
Beatrix Kiddo: Sure, please come in to the conference room. I’ll go get the partners…In the meantime, would you care for a beverage?
SLP: Thank you, I’m ok. Can I ask you a question about the parking?
Fucking ay. Gentlemen place your bets: will the stupid LP ask about where to park, or whether he parked in the right spot, or if he needs to pay for parking. Naturally, any question he might possibly ask with regards to parking in our building was already answered in my 3 emails prior to today confirming his god forsaken visit to our building. But whatever, that’s what I’m here for, to repeat everything a minimum of 7 times. This is no different than being a kindergarten teacher.
BK: Sure
SLP: Well, I noticed the signs in the first four rows that say that “cars without a permit will be towed away.” I parked it there but don’t have a permit. Do you think it will be towed away?
BK: (Speechless with contempt) Nah they’re probably just goofing
Time Thief: (walking into the room) Ha ha, you crack us up BK. Yes SLP, you can’t park in the restricted lot, that’s what the signs are for (wow TT has actually stated the obvious so I don’t have to slash SLP with my sword of sarcasm and justice!)
…but just then he turns around to me…
TT: BK why don’t you go park Mr. SLP’s car in the garage? (what?! I’m highly suspicious of the feeling of hot blood rushing through my head)
BK: Errr (thank you for not putting me on the spot at all asshole), I guess
It took me exactly 1 hour, slightly less than the duration of the meeting, to return to the office after moving the car. After all, first I had to make sure that the rental Mustang GT convertible was put through the paces as I went to Peet’s for coffee, stopped by Sephora for a make-up errand “emergency,” and dropped by home for a meeting with my dog and a glass of Riesling. We had important things to discuss.
