Smartassery

You gotta give it to Incubus’ evil genius. He has single handedly come up with the solution for not paying high prices at the pump.

Incubus wants to be good to the environment (this can also be interpreted as “I’m a cheap asshole and the Prius savings cockamamie story has yet to actually made a difference in the household budget”).

Anyway, after an entire day of my investigating train schedules, shuttles, and bus connections so he could carry on with his greedy lofty ideals, he proudly announced to us two employees that he would only use public transportation to come to the office. Very well.

Incubus: Beatrix, I need you to do me a huge favor

Beatrix Kiddo: (I know I will end up wanting to stab you but…) Go ahead

I: I took the train today to work and forgot I was supposed to go pick up a baby thing later in the day. Succubus is going to kill me if I don’t bring it home. Could you go pick it up?

BK: Sure. I need to run a few errands anyway

Two days later…

I: Beatrix, I need you to do me a huge favor

BK: (Uh oh…this sounds strangely familiar) Yes?

I: I took the train today to work and forgot I was supposed to return a watch to the store to get fixed. Could you take it?

BK: Hmmmm, ok

The next week…

I: Beatrix, I need you to do me a huge favor

BK: (I’m going to start hiding my car keys) Shoot

I: I took the train today to work but now I have to go to this event in the city. Could you take me on your way home?

BK: The city is 30 miles not on my way home

I: Well yeah but if we take I-280 and then you come back the same way and it would be pretty close to your house

BK: So your plan is to have me drive 60 miles out of my way. Why don’t you ask the slave the associate (he’s desperate to get another chance to kiss your ass anyway)

I: Oh, that would work! (OK so I’m evil too but what the fuck?)

The very next day…

I: Beatrix, I need you to do me a huge favor

BK: (I’ll be damned) Mkay?

I: I took the train today to work and need to go pick up this part for my laptop urgently. Could you go?

BK: (Thousand mile stare) No. See, you inspired me and now I’m also taking the train to work

So yeah, his plan all this time consisted on having other people do all the driving for him…in their cars. I decree he should die by beheading with a rusty blade.

Please meet Madame Guillotine. Kindly please put your head right here. The other way. The other way. Fuck whatever. Now smile…

This entry was posted on Monday, June 9th, 2008 at 5:14 pm and is filed under Vapid Capital. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.