yogi is going to have a feast
Incubus has confided in me that he wants to give his wife a nice 40th birthday gift. Does he think I’m all that trustworthy? Nope, he just wants me to organize the whatever it is he wants to do for her. Blimey.
The plan is to take her camping to Yellowstone National Park. With the baby… of less than 1 year of age. Exactly what the fuck do you do while camping with an infant?! I suppose the extended plan is to pitch a tent and sit outside all weekend long, within reach of the formula and pampers.
Right, ok so here come the thousand questions and the huge waste of my time. I essentially get paid to eat shit with Incubus personal projects all day long.
Incubus: Did you reserve the tent that I wanted?
Beatrix Kiddo: No. I rented you a room at the hotel near the park
I: Oh how come?
BK: Several reasons. First one is that the tents don’t have private bathrooms like you wanted
I: They don’t?! It wasn’t clear from the website but I could’ve sworn
BK: (Speechless with contempt) #1 It’s a tent and #2 the website says “none of the tents have plumbing. A communal bathroom and showers are provided for your use” (I know you like to push the envelope but geez)
I: And the other reason?
BK: No babies allowed at the camps
I: Why?!
BK: (Dude, isn’t it obvious?!) Well for one they make noise and it bothers other campers
I: Pshhh, there are fat German tourists snoring and they are not banned
BK: (First, I didn’t set the rules here buddy, your counter argument is lost on me) Also, you cannot bring food into the camps, you’ll only consume food from the cafeteria
I: Well that’s not a problem
BK: Really? How are you going to feed the spawn? The main reason is that it is Bear Country and bears are attracted to food and defenseless screaming little creatures (well the spawn being the daughter of the devil and all might be a bear’s worthy contender but I digress)
I: Oh that’s not an issue, I could defend her
I think Incubus has lost it. He pretends he is going to the home of the grizzly bear (aka the most aggressive of all bears mind you and may I add with no known predators) with his penchant for not following the rules, a can of mace, and zero survival skills (and lack of assistant nearby to save his unconditioned ass) and he’s actually banking on making it out of there alive. How’s that for faith?!
For shits and giggles I should suggest covering the entire family in honey. Same ending, only quicker.
PS: Incubus, if this is the plan, please let me know so I can arrange to be in the area with a high powered camera.
