Smartassery

Leave it to the ladies to resuscitate the dying SNL skit:
http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2008/09/sarah-palin-tina-fey-staurday-night-live.php

This past weekend I decided to trim the dog’s nails. I don’t do this very often because I have to do it by myself and the dog hates it. He would rather stick his penis in a blender than have his nails trimmed.
The dog is a pit bull, all of 50 pounds of muscle and […]

Not much to do at the office today except to follow the Paris Hilton saga. She might be a stupid spoiled whore but biy her shennanigans with the law are ’off the hook’ entertaining.
Let’s reminisce. Late last year Paris was driving swerving around L.A. drunk. In January of 2007 she pled “no contest” (legalese for “I did it but refuse […]

I can’t keep this in anymore. At the risk of completely blowing my cover, I have a confession to make. Well, not so much a confession, as a blatant mockery of my moss, boss, whatever, for being so badly punked.
This is the season of Borat. Mainly because he has a movie out. Which by the […]

Allow me to digress a bit from my usual fare of office gloom, to join the bandwagon of celebration.
First in the agenda is the booting that Donald Rumsfeld (Dumsfeld?) got after the recent midterm elections. Apparently, the Chief-Idiot-in-Command realized that Americans are generally, err, against sending our teens to a certain death in Iraq. Next […]

Hello, You have reached 123-4567, Tender Hearts Animal Rescue. Due to the high volume of calls we have been receiving, please listen closely to the following options and choose the one that best describes you or your situation:
Press 1 if you think we are veterinarians and want free medical advice
Press 2 if you know we […]

1. Go to www.google.com
2. Type the word ‘failure’
3. Hit the ‘I’m feeling lucky’ button
4. Enjoy!

Enron’s ex-CEO and founder, Lay & Skilling, were found guilty today of conspiracy, wire fraud, securities fraud, insider trading and issuing false statements.
Yowza! Did they really think they could get away with inflating profits, hiding losses and misrepresenting the company’s financials? Technically, in a “fair” world, they could. Just look at other conglomerates and you’ll see […]

I’ve always sustained that a person who can make me laugh, is worth his/her weight in gold. Here’s my list of favorite comedians in order of preference, as of late. This order obviously changes with my mercurial mood swings and life happenstances:
1. Eddie Izzard - Fabulous British Executive Transvestite. His comedy is for intelligent people […]

I ordered vegetables! I realize this is hardly news to anyone who’s carbon based, after all as a species we’ve been gathering herbs and bulbs for eons, but it is to me as insofar I’ve subscribed to the notion that veggies belong mainly in museums.
Lately, and by this I mean, after turning 30 (bloody hell), my body […]