http://www.smartassery.com A Venture Capital assistant...obviously paying for the sins of past lives Wed, 17 Sep 2008 23:30:40 +0000 http://backend.userland.com/rss092 en Leave it to the ladies to resuscitate the dying SNL skit: http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2008/09/sarah-palin-tina-fey-staurday-night-live.php http://www.smartassery.com/2008/09/17/snl-brilliancy/ Incubus: Beatrix it seems like there was a mistake in the quarterly report Beatrix Kiddo: Where? I: See it appears that there's one word that is not aligned with the rest of the others BK: I see, the one that's off by one letter to the right? I: Yes that one. I think we ... http://www.smartassery.com/2008/09/17/mistakes-were-made/ All things have a place in the universe. They also have laws. For example, a predator is a carnivore. Law of nature. My dog licks his balls. Bam! Law of nature. Incubus is a scamming thief. Law of motherfucking nature. Time Thief: So Beatrix my laptop broke   Beatrix Kiddo: (eye roll square) What is ... http://www.smartassery.com/2008/07/30/the-hard-drive-exchange/ Time Thief: Beatrix, could you make a note to tell the building that the window in my office looks dirty from the outside? Beatrix Kiddo: (munching through inhaling lunch) Hmmm...what? TT: Yes, it's totally messy. I'd like them to clean it up BK: Sure (I'll put it in the bin of "it never will ... http://www.smartassery.com/2008/07/30/ridiculous-request-2899/ It's no secret that TwatHead Ventures is the most unsuccessful venture capital firm that ever was. Odds are pretty high that if we (and by we, I mean they) fund it, whatever venture it happens to be, it will end as a catastrophic failure. To put it in perspective, if THV ... http://www.smartassery.com/2008/06/13/hategrams/ Incubus has confided in me that he wants to give his wife a nice 40th birthday gift. Does he think I'm all that trustworthy? Nope, he just wants me to organize the whatever it is he wants to do for her. Blimey. The plan is to take her camping to Yellowstone ... http://www.smartassery.com/2008/06/13/yogi-is-going-to-have-a-feast/ The ocassion: Company's non-denominational holiday dinner The location: The ghastly hunting club that gives everyone the creeps (...plus food poisoning) The guests: All the slaves  employees, the bosses, and their idiot wives (and this time around also their kids...kids!) Now, Incubus and Succubus have a penchant for doing seating arrangements because they swear that ... http://www.smartassery.com/2008/06/10/protect-the-future/ You gotta give it to Incubus' evil genius. He has single handedly come up with the solution for not paying high prices at the pump. Incubus wants to be good to the environment (this can also be interpreted as "I'm a cheap asshole and the Prius savings cockamamie story has yet ... http://www.smartassery.com/2008/06/09/high-oil-prices-pffffftttt/ Incubus got the envelope!!! The one from the IRS that is. The one that says "you're being audited." Break out the cymbals, this is the beginning of the end! Of course in his mind (you know...the one floating over cloud 9) he is not the one being audited. The company is. ... http://www.smartassery.com/2008/05/23/you-got-served/ Stupid LP: Hello, I'm here to meet with Time Thief and company Beatrix Kiddo: Sure, please come in to the conference room. I'll go get the partners...In the meantime, would you care for a beverage? SLP: Thank you, I'm ok. Can I ask you a question about the parking? Fucking ay. Gentlemen place ... http://www.smartassery.com/2008/05/22/added-to-the-job-description-valet-parking-attendant/